777 What is the difference between constructive criticism and bullying?

As a little disclaimer, I am not a professional, I am completely amateur, and this is simply my opinion. Please seek professional help should you feel the need.

Firstly, a brief description of what I believe or perceive to be constructive criticism and bullying are:

Constructive criticism

For me, this is an idea or some feedback which has the potential to improve your work should you wish to follow through with the feedback or idea. It is a helpful tool and should not be taken as offensive. I often welcome constructive criticism or ask for it from people because it highlights things you didn’t or wouldn’t necessarily think of. An example, showing someone how their portfolio would look a bit better because one of their lines isn’t straight or if they missed a full stop or the different look it would have if this bit stood out. You are still criticising their work but suggesting an improvement instead of saying your work is rubbish do this instead which will not help in the slightest.

Bullying

This is constant criticism when it is not welcome or needed and has no benefit to the receiver. This is often encouraged by jealousy, anger, experience etc. This is any behaviour that is belittling, insulting, threatening, constant and or potentially harmful. It can be physical or verbal and via the internet.

Now I’ve explained what I see them both to be I am going to talk about how they each work and the effects of them both in my opinion. Again, I am NOT a professional, I haven’t studied these at all! I am just speaking of my perception and experience.

Most people believe that bullying will end when you leave school. If you ask me, it shouldn’t happen ever but if it does happen it shouldn’t go past the school. If you are leaving school age, then you should be mature enough to leave bullying out of it because it is pathetic and childish. Children bullying, I understand more due to peer pressure, and you are stuck with the same people day in and day out. Minds are easily swayed so easily during school but adults you expect more responsibility from. I couldn’t set out to hurt someone on purpose. Upsetting someone is going to happen and it’s not the end of the world if you didn’t mean it and you sort it out with them after apologising. It doesn’t make it okay, but it is an accident and accidents happen.

However, when someone is in a bad mood or having a bad day and they choose to take it out on someone it is called bullying. This is so unfair, out of order and just uncalled for. Constantly digging at someone’s work, penalising them for making small mistakes and doing it in an intimidating, humiliating and or belittling way is called bullying. It isn’t being the big mean manager or the top dog, or the best boss, a teacher, a trainer, a friend, or a family member, this is called being a bully. Often, I don’t think the bully is aware of the bullying they are inflicting on others. If you are stressed (which could be the reason people feel you are being bullied) there are two ways you can approach it, an example, there is a big difference in saying. “Look, I am really busy, it would be great if everyone pulled together and got through as much work as possible today, it would help me out because I am struggling today, let’s work together as a team.”

If I heard this, I would think straight away, ah what can I do to relieve the work, is there something I could get done a bit quicker, can I take some of the work off? Is there something I can do on a different day so I could take an extra job on today etc? My mind would want to do anything I can to help this person and work as a team.

The other option: “I am really busy, no one talks to me, we just need to get our heads down and get through the work, just cut through all the work, we need to get as much done as possible today, really grab hold of your work and just get through it”.

When I hear that I think “erm no, why do I want to do any favours for this person?” “Why should I do any favours for this person?” It will create tension and make everyone stressed which doesn’t help anyone.

The other side of this is making mistakes, it is inconvenient for someone to get something wrong, however, it will work better if you address the incorrect whatever by using construct criticism. Try to respond in a way that you are telling them they got it wrong, and they need to sort it but don’t make them feel stupid and belittled for getting it wrong. Everyone makes mistakes, every human makes mistakes and there is nothing wrong with making mistakes. People shouldn’t be scared to get something wrong; mistakes happen every day. Let people know they have made a mistake but work with them, ask them if they would like some help with it or if they need a bit of training on it etc.

Making a mistake shouldn’t be a normal thing, but no one should be worried about getting something wrong. If it happens regularly then work with the person to try and reduce the mistakes. No one on earth is perfect. You can be brilliant at something and rarely make mistakes, but they will happen and there is nothing wrong with it. If you deal with it by saying “Oh, you’ve done this mistake again, why do you keep doing that, why can’t you get it right, use your brain, get it right every time, I don’t understand how you are getting this wrong” you are bullying that person. You will make them feel worse than what they already do.

It is important to know the difference, highlight the difference and make it change.

Again, I want to make it clear that I have not studied bullying or physiology and I am not a professional in any way shape or form. This is my opinion only, please feel free to contact me. If you think something is wrong, remember constructive criticism. Let’s stand together and fight back against these bullies.